Home / Forum / Liebe & Beziehung / Older women younger man

Older women younger man

15. Januar 2006 um 17:21

i hope it's O.K for me to write in english?

I guess i would like to know how men see this...
i am 38, apparently very attractive,healthy and still look young etc...here's my story in short form.

my last 3 boyfreinds have all been about 10 years younger than me. i guess i find their energy and curiosity exciting. i lived with the first one for 1.5 years. i was miserable and felt like i was suffocating."(it was boreing and he was "Klammering!).i left him

the second one was emotionally very cold but very sexual. i felt very excited being with him and i guess i started to "klammer." he left me!(lasted 1 year)

Now i am into the third relationship and after 5 months i am getting panicky to the point that i think i should end it. i am afraid that it is going to end like the last one (and that was painful).we have had wonderful fun (skiing, meeting freinds,exploring etc..). but i have noticed he is starting to do things without me.don't get me wrong i want him to be happy and feel free.but he has also mentioned he will be starting a Phd next month and won't have much time.i have said nothing to him yet because i wanted to see how i feel about this. my guts are telling me that this guy is attracted to me but not really that serious about a relationship.

i am a "grown up" girl but feel like a teenager again.he doesn't like to talk about these issues and i can't get much out of him.

should i end it here? i feel you have to test these things soon in a relationship before you end up waisting more time.how do you see older women, younger men relationships?thankyou

Mehr lesen

15. Januar 2006 um 17:41

Hi Birgit
I would like to feel i can enjoy it but sometimes the "zweifel" gets me really, really down.Is he using me just to get experience? i am far too serious for something like that. Do you have a younger boyfreind?

1 LikesGefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 18:17

So Birgit
how long did you know this guy before you felt unsure? did he make any effort to get you back?i don't think that any woman takes these sorts of things lightly. you admit yourself that doubt made you end the relationship!should one ask them directly?

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 18:21
In Antwort auf minta_12917869

So Birgit
how long did you know this guy before you felt unsure? did he make any effort to get you back?i don't think that any woman takes these sorts of things lightly. you admit yourself that doubt made you end the relationship!should one ask them directly?

Forgot
to answer your question if i feel well with him...wel, yes, sure! it's fun and exciting. but as i mentioned this is mixed with anxiety

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 18:42

Gosh
i really get tingles...it is so refreshing to hear your opinion. Birgit, i do talk to him about my fears and he seems to get very turned on. i guess he also has the same fears

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 18:51

Hallo jana
how well you say that. i guess i'm afraid i'm making a mistake.there is this awful devil on my shoulder which keeps throwing out of balance...my own fears telling me to be "vernuenftig" like i should be having kids,marrying someone who really cares for me, gives me stability... etc. And yet there seem to be men in my age group who are certainly good partners and seem interested in me but i'm just not open to them. should i be trying to atleast give them a chance?

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 18:55

Well my problem
is that he is saying he won't be having much time for me once he sarts this Phd programm. What do u mean with " i did this *g*

he is 28 in march

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

15. Januar 2006 um 19:08

That is
really sweet. but you've unfortunately made me see it all in a positive light so i won't be giving him up just yet. but one final question Birgit...if he gets an erection when i talk about my fears. what does that mean?

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

16. Januar 2006 um 19:10

Why
do you mention not being "free" would u like to end your relationship?How old are u if i may ask?

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

16. Januar 2006 um 19:12

I also
struggle to take things easily. that is my nature. i enjoy risk but worry if i am repeating a bad misake

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

16. Januar 2006 um 19:21

Ich
hasse englisch, aber nur zu info ich hab auch ne ältere freudin!

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

16. Januar 2006 um 19:33

33 years old and 23 years old
Well,when I was about 33 I had an affair/friendship with a guy who was 24 years old.
He was very handsome, kind an nice to have fun with but this was about it.

I could also not enjoy but not because I was thinking too much but because he was not mature enough an we had nothing important to talk about.He strove very much but nevertheless nothing we could share.

It also depends on what eachone expects


Well I would not do it again because I think it does not really have future in that age (30-40 Years)perhaps later, if one is older.

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 15:32

Hi lady... i hope that my english is good enough to give you my point of few
you are a good looking girl and if all interest correspond's it could be a warm and
harmoniced relationshsip ... you must hear what your heard and already your mind said all other things are not so important ...good luck for you and your boyfrind

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 17:06

Moosi,did I not mention this here somewhere before?
Well,anyway it is not worth mentioning

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 18:38
In Antwort auf elvin_12157156

Hi lady... i hope that my english is good enough to give you my point of few
you are a good looking girl and if all interest correspond's it could be a warm and
harmoniced relationshsip ... you must hear what your heard and already your mind said all other things are not so important ...good luck for you and your boyfrind

Thankyou "Gentleman"
Well u say i should listen to my head and my heart. my head is sensible (vernüftig) and my heart is the feeling part. Although i feel a great deal for this young man my head tells me "vorsicht". i have been through this before and experience knows best. so, unfortunately, last night i broke off the relationship.i think i have always been lucky enough to have chosen younger men who are very honest with me.this last boyfreind told me that he would love me to stay but he knows he cannot offer me the "stability" of a commited relationship. he said i should definately look for an older man and that i should really start to look at my life a bit more seriously. Believe me i am starting to take my future very seriously. As of NOW i will only be considering "older" men. Because the reality is that i am getting older.

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 18:47

Who made a cut?
He made the cut as it seams.

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 18:51
In Antwort auf shena_12375982

33 years old and 23 years old
Well,when I was about 33 I had an affair/friendship with a guy who was 24 years old.
He was very handsome, kind an nice to have fun with but this was about it.

I could also not enjoy but not because I was thinking too much but because he was not mature enough an we had nothing important to talk about.He strove very much but nevertheless nothing we could share.

It also depends on what eachone expects


Well I would not do it again because I think it does not really have future in that age (30-40 Years)perhaps later, if one is older.

Do u mean...
guys should be between 30 and 40? I envy that u could take it so lightly. I wish I could because I am so much more attracted to younger men. but it is obviously not good for me. the idea of an older boyfreind use to make me sad. mainly because i know that it would be a more settled and deep relationship and for me that meant the end of my "freedom". Do u understand me. It#s like i am running away from something...the reality that i am getting older...perhaps vanity?

what do u think?

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 18:58
In Antwort auf minta_12917869

Do u mean...
guys should be between 30 and 40? I envy that u could take it so lightly. I wish I could because I am so much more attracted to younger men. but it is obviously not good for me. the idea of an older boyfreind use to make me sad. mainly because i know that it would be a more settled and deep relationship and for me that meant the end of my "freedom". Do u understand me. It#s like i am running away from something...the reality that i am getting older...perhaps vanity?

what do u think?

No,I means
whwn you are 30-40 and the guy ist about 20 years old these kind of relationships have no real future.
But,when you are 50 and the guy ist about 40 it is o.k. or it might be o.k.

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 19:02
In Antwort auf shena_12375982

Who made a cut?
He made the cut as it seams.

Yes
I made the cut last night. And i believe it was the right thing to do. We drank lots of red wine and smoked lots of cigarettes...i believe he really really liked me. He said the age difference between us is a problem. he does'nt want me to go but he wants me to do what is best for me because he knows he cannot give me the "commitment" i am looking for. he wants a "lose" relationship. He asked me to stay last night but i was "vernüftig" and went home. I am happy that i had someone so wonderful...but i would be happier still if it had a future. he said i should honestly look for someone older.

It is very very sad but i have proven to myself that what i really want is someone to love me as equally as i love them i have to start takeing at my future seriously

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 19:09
In Antwort auf anupam_12833133

Ich
hasse englisch, aber nur zu info ich hab auch ne ältere freudin!

Bitte
erzähl mir. Wie alt bist du....Deutsch versteh ich ganz gut

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

17. Januar 2006 um 19:12
In Antwort auf shena_12375982

No,I means
whwn you are 30-40 and the guy ist about 20 years old these kind of relationships have no real future.
But,when you are 50 and the guy ist about 40 it is o.k. or it might be o.k.

I have
heard and read the same. the older men and women get the less age differences become an issue. i have read so much on this topic. i guess the pressure to have kids and all that is off

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

18. Januar 2006 um 11:55
In Antwort auf minta_12917869

Thankyou "Gentleman"
Well u say i should listen to my head and my heart. my head is sensible (vernüftig) and my heart is the feeling part. Although i feel a great deal for this young man my head tells me "vorsicht". i have been through this before and experience knows best. so, unfortunately, last night i broke off the relationship.i think i have always been lucky enough to have chosen younger men who are very honest with me.this last boyfreind told me that he would love me to stay but he knows he cannot offer me the "stability" of a commited relationship. he said i should definately look for an older man and that i should really start to look at my life a bit more seriously. Believe me i am starting to take my future very seriously. As of NOW i will only be considering "older" men. Because the reality is that i am getting older.

Scuzzy
please tell ne one thing why do you feel that "older man" what ove you mean with older are not so honest like younger furthermore i could and would not confirm that older people more seriously sometimes we are more trouper but from time to time the life must be more easygoing. in fact i hope that you chose alsoready your next lover with your heart and not only with your brain.... kisses gentleman

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

18. Januar 2006 um 21:37

Hallo heather
thankyou for your words of encorougment.today i wanted to go back to my exbecause the cut has not really been said clearly. yet i feel under tremendous pressure to make a decision. he says the ball is in my court, it's all up to me!!

i live in a WG and tonight our new mitbewohner moved in.i know he has moved in because of me.he is probably a very good candidate too!has a good job, is open minded (lived 10 years in berlin),sporty and is the right age. i know i have to give him a chance but inside i am breaking apart because i really want the younger guy.what i notice is that with this older guy i've mentioned,(although i don't know him)i know i can be totally myself for example i feel that i can relax and i know i can introduce him to people in my family i am embarrased about.he has a very gentle ausstrahlung.with the younger guy i would not have felt this relaxed and would certainly not have considered introducing him to my family here.

but the point is that i am finding every excuse not to like this nice man simply becaus i adore a boy who is'nt ready to commit but shit he excites me...!

may i ask what u think, heather? i could still go back to the younger guy.

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

18. Januar 2006 um 22:29

HI HI
HOHO
HAHA
::: GET OLDER .............

AND THEN WHAT ..........

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

20. Januar 2006 um 16:34

Dear Heather Honey
you have said that very very well and i appreciate your strong opinion. you know exactly what's going on with me. i know i want that boy back! and i also know that trying to be "sensible" is just not for me. it only makes me feel sad. it's been good to go deep into myself though. i guess i've always known what i want. but typical of me, i kind of doubt myself too much.i just need to read something or hear something and i lose confidence in my decisions ( for example my dad saying that i am setting myself up for trouble). i guess i have to work on that. i always said that i will wait untill i'm 50 before i start getting "serious". In the meantime, the boy i want has called 3 times and asked me out for dinner. i think he likes me more than he knows! do you know what i mean?

thankyou
Juliette

Gefällt mir Hiflreiche Antwort !

Frühere Diskussionen
Noch mehr Inspiration?
pinterest