Heute ist es endgültig vorbei. Meine Freundin hat vor ca. 2 Monaten entschieden mich vergessen zu wollen. Jetzt möchte sie mich weder in ihrem Leben, noch ein Wort von mir hören. Zuvor war es für immer. Heiraten, gemeinsame Zukunft. Sie wollte mich für nichts auf der Welt verlassen. Plötzlich müsse sie mich vergessen, weil sie für die Zukunft leben möchte, die sie sich wünscht. Das war immer die mit mir.. Und davon wollte ich sie bis heute noch überzeugen. Aber sie hat ein Bild von mir, das ich nicht bin. Und das macht es leichter für sie, mich zu vergessen. Alle Worte haben nichts bewirkt. Letztendlich fühlt sie sich genervt. Ich wollte es erst um jeden Preis verhindern, sie zu verlieren. Sie meinte sie würde mich lieben, aber in Zukunft wären wir nicht glücklich... Naja.. Dann wollte ich es akzeptieren.. und sie schreibt zurück.. distanziert sich immer mehr.. wird kalt. Und inzwischen versuche ich alles, um sie davon zu überzeugen, mit mir zusammen zu sein. Dann nurnoch befreundet zu sein.. Mir noch zu schreiben.. Meine Nachrichten noch zu lesen.. Und dann nurnoch mich nicht zu blockieren oder in ihrem Leben zu sein. Wie schnell sich alles ändern kann.. Hahaha..
Hier die letzten Emails von heute.. Ich schreibe noch..Bekomme aber keine Antwort mehr.
Wer möchte kann sich ein Bild machen. Vielleicht hilft es mir irgendwie weiter..
1.
You think maybe I am obstinate and can't accept your meaning, that I want always to be true what I am thinking myself. But I want my thoughts to be more to the truth instead.. I don't know, if what I think is true.. But I want my thoughts to be about.. what I think is true.. People always think about Things.. That to them seem the truth.. The best..
To me this is.. A life with you.. With your opinion.. Your meanings.. But not without you.. And for this I am still not accepting.. Trying to change also what you said is impossible. It is impossible just to decide it by myself.. Yes.. But together.. It is possible. And I want all together with you.. Also this decision to save us. I also made this decision.. That I want try to save us.
Maybe.. In life later.. You think you couldn't talk with me because I would be too stubborn. That we couldn't do decisions together. But I want to listen to you..I care what you think. I love every word of you.. And I never forget..
I know I sometimes could have understood things better. I really understood this.
In future we could talk about all together.. Decide all together.. Better than before.. And we can do decisions together.. Like we planned the times we met.. The times we went somewhere together.
You said is always something wrong.. And I wouldn't understand you. That you aren't happy anymore.. And wouldn't be in future. You feel better like now.. And you want just a different life. Also that you do not care of me anymore.. Because your love for me became less.
It makes me sad that you feel like this.. and obviously I did make a lot wrong to bring you to this point. But we can be happy together. Indeed love is to respect and be there for each other.. Even if all is at the worst.. And if mistakes happen.. Also to respect that were done the mistakes..
I'm thinking that we would get only better together.. And if we couldn't be now.. So in future we would be perfect.. The perfect couple.. to me we are already now..
There is really not always something wrong in our relationship.. But you know how feels stress.. I got a lot stressed from life.. Not because of us.. And I know you had a lot of stress too.. We did let it out on each other.. Lately I did.. And I'm really sorry for it. I felt tired.. I was stressed.. That even days with you I couldn't totally relax.. I maybe seemed a bit.. Angry? Provoked? I'm not sure.. Yes.. My condition wasn't always the best.. But you made me be in better condition all the time.. So we also had wonderful moments.. And obviously if I can focus more on us.. Like you always told me.. I could make you also feel, that there is nothing wrong.
Yes I stressed you. And without this Stress you feel better now. I understand. But do you feel really better without us? Our relationship isn't the stress.. The stress just came out, because in the way I acted.. (maybe also you, but lately was me.. I know..) was something wrong. It made us feel bad. But it doesn't make the relationship bad at all.. And I don't want this stress anymore. I want to be happy with you. At least. Being a friend to you. Sometimes writing with you..? If you see the stress in our relationship.. Of course you don't care for the stress
.. You don't love it.. You don't want it..
But there is more in us.. That girl you were at Medulin in the hotel.. The photo you made of us.. Even the little video.. All the times we kissed.. When we went hand in hand..
You want a different life.. But you said is better to forget.. I want a different life with you! I want the life you want. But with you. Is good to forget our problems.. And to keep us alive.. If you do not love me now.. Okay.. But let me be a Part of your life
.. And be one of me.. I love you so much.. And I could live with that if I have to.. Don't go totally away.. Yes.. I need you.. Even if you think you don't need me.. Maybe.. Somehow you could miss me too... And then I would be at least around..
I try to stay in contact to you.. To talk with you..
You're still the most important person in my life..
And I will love you forever.
I really hope you will write me back.. Not much if you don't want.. But a little bit..? I promise.. If we could write again in whatsapp or hangout.. Or somewhere.. I won't annoy you anymore.. I felt so much pain these days.. I had to let it out.. But my love to you is stronger than my pain.. So I hope you forgive me..
These days I go to put the lock of us on a bridge.. That I wanted us to put for NewYear.. I will send you a photo..
I love you.. And you're the only one for me.
Thank you